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10:50am July 28, 2014

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were a part of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbara Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
10:21am July 28, 2014

opalesent:

I want 0 responsibilities and a lot of lingerie

9:25am July 28, 2014

tuscanystuff:

I actually really like this ad campaign.

8:57am July 28, 2014
annonymissus:

I didn’t mean for this to line up with the release of Lady Thor, But it did.

annonymissus:

I didn’t mean for this to line up with the release of Lady Thor, But it did.

8:28am July 28, 2014

shaky:

I’m stuck between wanting:

1. A long lasting relationship with my soulmate who supports me and protects me and is my partner and we are completely bad ass together and in love

2. Wanting to have casual sex and rip out the heart of everyone person I meet

3. Being independent and having a loyal dog while I’m married to my career

8:00am July 28, 2014
nogstuck:


frosty-lips:


reblog if you’ve been through all of them <3


if you havent been through all of them that means you are younger than 13 and why the frick are you on the internet go outside and play in the yard

nogstuck:

frosty-lips:

reblog if you’ve been through all of them <3

if you havent been through all of them that means you are younger than 13 and why the frick are you on the internet go outside and play in the yard

7:32am July 28, 2014
jason-bear:

roseyg30:

ronaldkn0x:

johnnypsychopath:

thatfunnyblog:

when will it end

he is neither of those

so i thought this was fake but then i googled it and

somebody stop him

"It’s like being gay. You don’t choose to be gay; you’re born gay. I was born black"
Fuck. I’m dying.

Wtf

jason-bear:

roseyg30:

ronaldkn0x:

johnnypsychopath:

thatfunnyblog:

when will it end

he is neither of those

so i thought this was fake but then i googled it and

somebody stop him

"It’s like being gay. You don’t choose to be gay; you’re born gay. I was born black"

Fuck. I’m dying.

Wtf

7:03am July 28, 2014

vventz:

in a world full of the word yes

i’m here to scream

image

6:35am July 28, 2014

“It’s so difficult to describe depression to someone who’s never been there, because it’s not sadness. I know sadness. Sadness is to cry and to feel. But it’s that cold absence of feeling— that really hollowed-out feeling.”

— J.K. Rowling (via i-was-so-alone-i-owe-you-so-much)